I love my friend B, I really do. She hired me to clean her house about 15 years ago when she was much younger and although I was technically her employee, we became friends and still are. Fifteen years ago when I arrived she would very politely show me in, offer me coffee, briefly make polite conversation, then leave me to my work. Now I’m met at the door with a hug and kiss and her usual “I missed you Darlin' I can’t believe it’s only been a week!” Then we sit and talk for at least an hour...
I see B every week, and over the years have watched her change. She used to cook and sew and read - mostly romance novels, and she loved to travel. But somewhere along the way in those 15 years, B became “old”. I think most of the time she knows it but sometimes I think she forgets that fact, along with a lot of other facts. Last week she was reminiscing as she does with me weekly, telling me one of many stories about her parents and how things were when she was young. At the end of the story of some outrageous thing her parents did, she ended with the justification of their actions stating “well, they were OLD you know.” No sooner did she speak the words, then she paused thoughtfully and with a look of almost surprise followed that with “well, I guess I am old now too” ...a revelation? I replied quietly “yes, B, you are old too”. But I don’t think she really needs that confirmation. You see, B is 90 now and regularly quite matter of factly announces her limitations along with her feelings about it, usually with an expletive. Something like “you know I can’t see very well anymore and it really pisses me off!” I’ve had a lot of years of empathetic listening practice with B, but somehow I don’t mind. Watching B age has given me an inside view to how aging works. I have watched her body decline and slowly fail. I have seen her husband(s) pass on, along with many of her friends. Worst of all I have watched her mind slowly fail. Some days when I arrive she is scared or confused and I take her hand and just sit with her...
She truly was sharp as a tack until just a few years ago when her short term memory started to fade. That is sad to see and deal with. I have grown endlessly patient with hearing the same story over and over, the one she forgot she told me last week - I really truly don’t mind though. I have asked myself a million times “what must that be like” as I watch B struggle with aging. She has shown me what it looks like and I have learned how to react.
I hope I am like B when I get older. She has learned to look back at the good things from her life and be grateful. She treasures the memories she retains and still tries to be feisty when she has the energy. I know I will remember her long after she is gone and hear her voice in my mind saying one her favorite phrases, “you know, I don’t have to do nothin’ but die and pay taxes!” Everytime I see the cartoon Maxine, it reminds me just of B. Witty and flippant about the everyday things we take much too seriously. I found a link to a collection of these cartoons and it made me smile for at least 30 minutes as I looked through them. (Click on my title to have a look) It was impossible to pick my favorite but I encourage anyone who needs a smile from a clever old woman to have a look. Either that or you can go visit B. She loves visitors, especially if you bring flowers.
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