My mother had a major surgery in '09 & had complications that resulted in kidney failure. The last year of her life she was on dialysis every Mon, Wed & Fri. My mother did not take care of herself.... she was a smoker, which resulted in COPD. She even had to start using oxygen while at home, but she continued to smoke (she just made sure the O2 was off while smoking). She also did not eat very well... hot dogs, french fries, chips, etc. We tried to get her to eat healthier, but she wouldn't. My mother developed a terrible blood infection & had to go to the hospital. She was there for about 2 wks when we finally thought she was out of the woods. The last time I visited my mother at the hospital she was alert, joking, eating & seemed to be feeling a lot better. My oldest brother & sister talked to her on the phone that day & my other brother went to visit her after he got off of work..... that same night my mother passed away without any warning. Her body was worn out from fighting the infection.
Before my mother died, my father began having pain in his back/buttocks areas. He & his dr thought it was due to a pulled muscle, so the dr gave him pain pills. 9 months later in August the pain had gotten worse, so the dr took x-rays, and saw something on my father's lungs. My father was a smoker too (since the age of 11, when he would take tobacco pieces off the floor of the tobacco barn & roll them into a cigarette). A CAT scan revealed cancer that had metastasized to other parts of his body. From that day forward, my brother, sister or I stayed with him, cooking, cleaning & making sure he ate & took his medications. My father agreed to have radiology treatments for a spot on his spine... the spot that had been giving him such pain. The treatments helped for a short time. He began to lose weight, he didn't want to eat, had terrible constipation from his meds, had to have a foley, and could barely walk anymore. Home health care came in weekly to check on him, & helped in with bathing & shaving. But there finally came a point when he just could not take the pain anymore, & we were not able to help him. In November my father had to go to a hospice facility.
At first my family did not want to use hospice. We wanted to do it ourselves & thought our dad would be happier at home. But we were wrong. It was a wonderful place for my father. They were able to relieve the pain my father was having. The staff were all so caring & attentive. They answered all of our questions... even if we asked them over & over again. They made sure my father did not suffer while he was there. He even joked with the nurses & CNAs. My father was at the hospice facility for about 3 wks when his body finally gave out. Even though my father would have wanted to die on the same land that he was born, he knew that his family could no longer take care of him, & he was able to die peacefully. I would highly recommend to anyone sending a love one to hospice facility.
In the last 2 years I have had to go through 2 different types of deaths - one sudden & one drawn out for a few months. When it's time for me to die, I'm not sure which way I'd like to go. I think they both have advantages & disadvantages.... I guess I just need to be ready just in case it does happen.
Now that I've experienced death with my parents, hopefully I will have more compassion & understanding when I have to deal with it as a COTA.
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