It was a normal day at the senior center for 87 year old L, she attended her normal Pump and Tone exercise class, relaxed in the library while finishing her daily newspaper crossword puzzle, played bingo, and even ate a delicious lunch with cheesecake as dessert at the Meals on Wheels nutrition site. With in 10 minutes of her last bite of cheesecake she had a pulmonary embolism and passed away on the way in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Now that is how I want to go out! Pumpin iron with friends and eating cheesecake. She definitely left this earth with her boots strapped on.
This was my first experience of the death of an elder who I called a friend. Interestingly enough, I saw death differently when it wasn’t a family member. I was really present with my emotions and I remember it spurring on so many thoughts about death…How I want to die, how I don’t want to die, she was here one minute…and gone the other, transition from life to death (kinda peaceful, yet creepy), funerals, wills, grieving loved ones. This was 3 years ago and I still don’t have my mind wrapped around it all (and probably won’t ever fully understand until I go through it myself). But all these thoughts and ponderings will hopefully help with understanding some of our patients who happen to be at the end stage of life.
Each patient we come across as OTAs will have different needs at the end stage of life. The challenge is to figure out where they stand with death and help them make their short days meaningful and full of life. As OTA’s we will face a lot of patients either grieving a loved ones lost life, or grieving their own life that is coming to and end. We are to be resources of knowledge, compassion, empathy, and another person they can count on to make their wishes become reality. Sometimes family and friends are reluctant to face up to the fact that the person is dying and it might be beneficial for them to seek outside support.
We might watch our patients withdrawal from life, but I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing. Sometimes people need to take time to reminisce in the quiet, ponder their accomplishments, their shortcomings, their relationships, their faith…etc. I think it is healthy to bunker down for a while and realize the feelings that might be deeper down inside.
I am halfway through the book Tuesday with Morrie and what a good book! He really has a grab the bull by the horns attitude on dying. He refuses to wallow away until his final inevitable breath. I want to share a beautiful part of the book that we can all take a mental note of…
I asked Morrie if he felt sorry for himself. “Sometimes, in the morning,” he said. “That’s when I mourn. I feel my around my body, I move my fingers and my hands—whatever I can still move—and I mourn what I’ve lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I’m dying. But then I stop mourning.” … “I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life…I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all.” How useful would it be to put a daily limit on self-pity. Just a few tears, then on with the day. pp 56-57
I know Morrie is an exceptional case and not everyone will be able to reach this point of peach and clarity before they pass on…but I think as OTAs, we can play a part in helping someone get to that point. We have an important role in their comfort and support. And hopefully we can see some of the leave this earth sweatin to the oldies and eating cheesecake!
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