If I only knew then, what I know now......

I have a feeling that Geriatrics' class this summer is going to be an emotional ride for me. I don't talk about my father much, I think it's because I have so much regret. I am going to try to let some of those feeling out in this blog because so much of it relates to my class content. I started crying after class discussion today and ran away like a baby. I hate to cry in front of people, makes me feel weak in some way.

My father is such a big part of who I am today for so many reasons. Let me start by saying that my father was 62 when I was born. Crazy, right?? He was a family doctor in a small NC town. I was with him every weekend. (my parents were divorced by the time I was 3) I will get back to exploring my relationship with him in a later blog but first an important issue came up in class today. What do grown children do when faced with the realization that their parents can not live alone Independently? For me, this question was full of other factors. My father was use to be the decision maker. He was a God like figure among patients and his family, including me. He was wealthy and still very cognitively intact. He was smart as a whip and stubborn as a mule. Now what? He was 84, living alone, and his health was declining fast. His body was failing him and all of his children, me being the youngest felt trapped. We could not force Dr. W to do anything. So we all watched as he tried to keep it together and watched feeling helpless. I look back on this time and think I could have done so much more. I was in my early twenties and very selfish. I had been spoiled all my life and really could not stand to see my father so frail and aging. We were forced to do nothing until he finally went into the hospital where they kept him for 10 days and he passed. I felt a sort of relief. I hate to even admit that. He deserved to be at peace and lying in the hospital was not what he wanted.

As an OTA, I hope to help guide family members in this decision making process. I know first hand how difficult it can be and how many different circumstances go into making a living situation. Too many emotions surround this issue to even discuss, but I feel like I can give back somehow by helping others in this life decision. I wish I had resources like the linked website above. I hope it will come in handy for anyone out there dealing with this issue. Thanks for reading.